


Des-purr-ation

by arrestjellyfish



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Bad Puns, Cat Puns, Crying, Desperation, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I can't believe there's a tag for that, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Non-Sexual, Omorashi, Panic Attacks, Paternal Morality | Patton Sanders, Poor Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Protective Morality | Patton Sanders, Public Humiliation, Social Anxiety, Touch-Starved Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Wetting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:46:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24223003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrestjellyfish/pseuds/arrestjellyfish
Summary: Patton takes Virgil to the mall where they watch 'Cats' (and make terrible puns) and visit a couple of clothing stores.That morning Virgil had had intense doubts and worries about coming, and almost worked himself into a panic about all the things that could go badly. But the older side had put a stop to it and promised Virgil he wouldn’t let anything ruin their ‘Father-Son Day of Fun’. And though Virgil absolutely refused to utter that title aloud, he had to admit the reassurance had quelled his anxiety enough for him to actually enjoy the afternoon.That is until he needs to go to the bathroom and is too nervous to tell Patton.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 13
Kudos: 70





	1. Desperation

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry I just couldn't resist that title.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Heed the tags. Virgil pees himself in this fic, and if that makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason then I suggest you leave. The content here is entirely non-sexual (but you can enjoy it like that if you want to)
> 
> I headcanon Virgil as slightly younger and shorter than the other sides so you might notice some of that in here.
> 
> I split this fic into two parts because I wrote way more than I was expecting to - the second part will contain fluffy comfort in the aftermath of what happens in this first chapter.
> 
> Also, I wrote Virgil and Patton’s relationship as platonic/paternal but you can read it however you like, they're not _actually_ related - honestly I'm surprised by how much shipping material came out of this. There's also some logicality potential in the second chapter. Roman is sadly very absent from this one, apologies.
> 
> Enjoy!

oOo

‘Sorry, kiddo, you just don’t have me convinced,’ Patton shook his head lightly. ‘I guess you’re just not… _purr_ -suasive enough,’ Patton smiled widely holding up the pawprint sleeves of his cat hoodie.

Virgil snorted, some soda coming out of his nose which made Patton dissolve into giggles. Virgil quickly covered his face with his hoodie sleeve and mopped at his nose. As unpleasant as it was, the fizzy burning in his nose paled in comparison to the laughter bubbling up his chest.

'How many more you got?' Virgil chuckled (not giggled. Definitely not. He was _way_ too edgy to giggle.)

Patton beamed down at him, 'Oh don’t worry I _fe-lined_ up plenty more!'

Virgil lowered his head as his cheeks ached from trying to contain a grin. Patton had been rattling out constant cat puns for the past five minutes as they walked away from the movie theatre. They had just watched the disastrous live-action motion picture that was Tom Hooper's _Cats_.

'If only the movie was as entertaining as you, Pop Star,' Virgil said.

Patton gasped in mock offence. 'It’s a movie about cats who sing! What wasn’t entertaining about that?!'

'Besides the entire concept? James Cordon’s acting.'

'Well now, kiddo, at least he did his best,’ Patton said sincerely and Virgil felt guilty for all of two seconds before: ‘But you’re right it was pretty _claw_ -ful.’

‘Stop!’ Virgil laughed, bumping his shoulder against Patton’s side gently. He was glad Patton didn’t mention it when Virgil stayed by his side, their arms brushing gently as they walked through the mall. It was a comforting contact for Virgil, who couldn’t help but be nervous of Patton disappearing if he couldn’t physically feel his presence.

‘Alright, alright, I’ll put the puns on _paws_ ,’ Patton raised his hands and pawed at Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil bit his lip and tried not to laugh as he noticed a group of teenagers passing by. He couldn’t help but clam up and feel they were judging him for something as small as how he was breathing. Even though Virgil’s gaze was fixed at their feet, he thought he could feel their eyes burning into him as they loomed past, their laughter echoing in his ears. Virgil barely noticed he had been holding his breath until he sighed in relief once they had passed by. Patton must have noticed if the reassuring squeeze on Virgil’s shoulder was anything to go by.

Virgil would never normally have agreed to come to such a crowded, noisy, bright, overwhelmingly public place - let alone to watch such a horrible excuse for a film. But Patton had been prattling on about this movie to the other sides for all of two weeks before the anxious side agreed to go with him to see it. Logan had scoffed at the mere idea of it, Roman had launched into a rant about “butchering of sacred theatre” and “besmirching the great Sir Lloyd Webber’s name”. But Virgil could never bear to see Patton disappointed or upset - after all, the paternal side had always gone out of his way to make sure Virgil smiled, even when he was feeling his worst. Though it did take several days of talking himself into it for Virgil to finally suggest he come with Patton. He did still have severe anxiety, after all, and no matter how pure his intentions were for an outing it was near torture every time he had to leave their carefully-crafted, familiar mindspace.

Patton had been a great help though. He had spent a whole two-hours of the previous evening interrogating Logan on the best techniques to use to calm Virgil down from a panic attack should one arise. Patton already knew fairly well how to keep Virgil’s anxiety at bay but seemed to want to triple check he was doing all he could for his “poor little anxious baby”. During the day, he had been sure to make Virgil take ‘mindful’ breaks every hour or so where they listed sensations and practised some breathing exercises. He had checked in on Virgil as often as every few minutes to ask if he was okay, that he was breathing evenly, that he didn’t need to take another break or leave. He had even asked Virgil if he was still feeling alright during the film a few times and had been shushed by someone behind them, whom he promptly glared back at. Virgil, despite the mild embarrassment of being mollycoddled in public, had actually felt a rush of comfort to see Patton acting so protective of him. It was reassuring.

That morning Virgil had had intense doubts and worries about coming, and almost worked himself into a panic about all the things that could go badly. But the older side had put a stop to it and promised Virgil he wouldn’t let anything ruin their ‘Father-Son Day of Fun’. And though Virgil absolutely refused to utter that title aloud, he had to admit the reassurance had quelled his anxiety enough for him to actually enjoy the afternoon.

‘I’ll stop _meow_ ,’ Patton whispered, clearly unable to contain himself. Virgil sighed and looked to Patton. ‘Ok, ok, I’m done now, I promise!’ the older side held his hands up in surrender, actually looking a little guilty.

‘Don’t worry, Patton -’ Virgil couldn’t help himself, his lips curling in a barely-contained smirk, ‘- I know you were just _kitten_ around.’

‘Oh!’ Patton yelled in delight, looking at Virgil with near-amazement. Virgil looked away to hide the growing warmth in his cheeks. ‘Y’know what, just for that we’re going to Hot Topic and I’m buying you a cute new outfit!’

Virgil felt a surge of nervousness bolt through his chest. What if Patton had felt like he _had_ to treat Virgil? What if Virgil picked something and Patton didn’t approve of it? What if there were people there staring at him as he selected things off the racks?

With his free hand, Virgil readjusted the purple headphones that lay across his neck. He was sure to keep them sat on his neck anytime he had to be in public. They were a comforting presence for him - he knew they were always there if he had to quickly escape from the real world.

Virgil looked up as Patton brought their walking to a stop. He took the now empty soda can from Virgil’s hand and dumped it in a recycling bin. Virgil looked at the storefront just past the trash can and realised it was Hot Topic. His shoulders tensed.

‘You planned this way before I made that pun,’ Virgil grumbled, pulling his sleeves down over his hands to hide his trembling fingers. Why was he such a mess at the tiniest things? Patton was being considerate and generous. He had probably even overheard Virgil mentioning to Roman that he needed more clothes just the week before. Why couldn’t Virgil just be grateful?

‘Maybe I did plan it…’ Patton was practically vibrating with excitement, though he settled down a little as he saw Virgil’s apprehension. ‘C’mon buddy, I won’t look at what you choose if that helps. I can just give you some money and wait out here if that makes you less nervous?’

‘No! N-no, that’s ok,’ Virgil tried to rein in his panic. He was nervous of what Patton would think of his clothing choices, sure, but nowhere near as anxious as he was at the idea of going in there alone and having to actually talk to a cashier. He shoved his hands in his pockets and unconsciously leaned into Patton more. He breathed in, counting to four, and forced himself to be honest about what he needed - something the others had been trying to get him to do more so they could all help him to manage his anxiety better:

‘Can you… please come with me?’ He gritted his teeth at the vulnerability of the request.

‘Course, kiddo, let’s go get you some groovy studs,’ Patton smiled and gently pulled Virgil into the shopfront.

‘I really don’t think you know what that word means,’ Virgil said, glad for the mild amusement to slightly distract him from his fears.

oOo

‘That wasn’t so bad, huh?’ Patton nudged Virgil with his elbow as they walked away from the store with a bag each - Virgil had been surprised when he had come out from the dressing room to see that Patton had apparently already bought himself something while Virgil had been trying on a pair of pants. Patton had been strangely secretive about what he had got, but Virgil didn’t push as he knew well how pressured he himself felt when people did that sort of thing.

‘Yeah, I guess,’ Virgil huffed, choosing not to disclose just how on edge he was from the whole experience. He only ever ordered clothes online for himself, the experience of shopping in person was much too nerve-wracking. He felt lightheaded, his palms sweaty, his legs shaky, and his bladder full - one of the more frustrating symptoms of his anxiety. 

‘Thank you, Patton,’ Virgil muttered, jostling his shopping bag to indicate what he was referring to.

‘No prob Bob,’ Patton responded. ‘I’ll bet those new ripped jeans look super cool! You could give Logan, Roman and I a fashion show later!’

Virgil felt his blood pressure spike at the mere suggestion. Instead of arguing the idea, Virgil was about to mention that he needed to stop by the bathroom - only to be beaten to it by an excited squeal from Patton.

‘Oh my gosh! Virgil, Virgil, Virgil, look, look,’ Patton said, directing Virgil’s gaze toward a novelty sweater store. Displayed in the window were a collection of sweaters featuring knitted images of various animals in sunglasses.

Virgil couldn’t hold back a fond smile. Of course Patton would be enamoured by those.

‘We just _have_ to go in there, I want to see all of -’ Patton suddenly stopped himself, looking down at Virgil cautiously. ‘Oh, unless you need a break. We haven’t taken a break since before the movie, do you need to sit down for a bit? Do you wanna go home?’

‘I’m fine, dad,’ Virgil defended, promptly blushing at the easy slip of the name. He couldn’t help it when he felt like such a doted upon kid. He readjusted his posture so there was slightly less pressure on his bladder - he could definitely hold it for a few more minutes, and he didn’t want to ruin Patton’s excitement. He had spent so much energy on making the day manageable for Virgil that Virgil doubted Patton could be having much fun with such a dumb, anxious, incompetent mess to worry about all the time. He didn’t deserve all of Patton’s care, he owed it to Patton to do something for him for once.

‘Let’s go in,’ Virgil said and felt his heart swell at just how wide Patton’s lips stretched in pure joy.

oOo

‘Virgil!’ Patton called unnecessarily loudly from the other end of the sweater rack.

Virgil had jumped at the sudden sound and tried to control his breathing before he looked up from his tapping foot.

Patton was holding up a green sweater with a knitted frog face and text that read “toadally awesome”. He was already breaking down in giggles.

Virgil nodded with a shaky smile, then before he had a chance to speak up - as he had been planning to do for the past ten minutes - Patton had dove right back into the clothing collection.

Virgil moaned quietly, fiddling with the zipper on his hoodie. He shuffled his feet around on the spot trying to find a position that didn’t make him cringe with just how full his bladder felt. He failed to find any relief and chewed on his thumbnail. His neck felt overly hot and sweaty in the otherwise cool shop. He hated himself for how hard it felt to just tell Patton he needed to go to the bathroom. For the first ten minutes he had merely been happy that Patton was having so much fun here and was distracted from his own need, but the _last_ ten minutes had been near-agony. He was desperate for the bathroom but felt like he should have said so before and so now it was clearly his fault he was in this position. Wouldn’t Patton say so? Wouldn’t he scold Virgil for not telling him earlier? Would he not allow Virgil to go just like Thomas’ teacher wouldn’t let him go in his elementary school concert?

Virgil breathed out shakily, clenching his legs together tightly as a wave of desperation came over him. That memory wasn’t helping anything. And Patton wouldn’t say any of that, this was just those cognitive distortions Logan had taught him about. He chanced a shaky inhale, subtly pulling at the waistband of his jeans so it didn’t cut into his abdomen so much.

‘Patton?’

It was far too quiet to be heard over Patton rifling through the hangers on the rack. Virgil groaned under his breath and shuffled awkwardly over to Patton’s side, not wanting to admit how hard the movement was in his current predicament. He tugged a little at the other side’s shirt sleeve to get his attention better.

‘Um, Patton?’ Virgil repeated, embarrassed by how shaky it sounded.

‘Yeah, kiddo?’ Patton turned to him, still chuckling over the frog sweater. His smile dropped as he quickly saw the distress written across Virgil’s face.

‘Do you need to go home?’ he asked clearly.

‘No, I...' Virgil blushed, his mouth struggling to form the words then snapping shut. How pathetic was he? First he didn’t tell Patton when he needed the bathroom, and now he was close to peeing himself and was too embarrassed to say it.

Luckily, Patton read Virgil’s body language easily - Virgil avoided thinking about how obvious it must have been to see him shift from foot to foot so rapidly.

‘Virgil, do you need the bathroom?’ 

Virgil nodded shortly. He was trying so desperately to avoid eye contact with the other side that he caught the gaze of the woman working at the counter. He was certain she gave him a strange look. His breath tumbled from his lungs and his eyes shot down to his feet again. She was staring, she was judging, she thought he was stupid, she was going to laugh, she was going to film him and broadcast it to the whole mall and everyone would see him and -

He yelped as his hand was grabbed and he was tugged quickly towards the door. He struggled to get his feet to stumble into the same fast rhythm as Patton’s, and to his distress he lost control of his bladder for a fraction of a second. The front of his underwear was decidedly warm and damp now and Virgil felt his heart drop at the feeling. His fingers gripped tighter around Patton’s hand with a quiet moan of distress.

‘You okay, kiddo?’ Patton asked, still leading them quickly to what Virgil assumed must have been the toilets.

‘I’m sorry,’ Virgil whispered instead of answering. He had been so stupid not telling Patton earlier and now he was only causing Patton to stress about him.

‘No apologies, Virgil. I’m sorry I didn’t realise,’ Patton responded. He kept them moving at a steady pace across the mall floor as Virgil grew more and more panicked about the situation. He had seen signs indicating the bathroom was on the floor above _and_ on the other side of the mall. His heart was racing, bladder aching as he tried to ignore the niggling doubt that he would even be able to make it that far. He _always_ made it in the past when he had been in this sort of situation before - after the elementary concert, that is. Virgil whimpered with the memory of it, his free hand moving to pull his tight waistband away from his abdomen. Wetting himself in public was one of his worst nightmares, but Logan had always told him that his worst nightmares hardly ever came true. So he would be fine, right? Virgil swallowed around a tight lump in his throat.

‘It’s gonna be alright. Keep breathing,’ Patton assured as they reached the escalator. He guided Virgil onto the step behind him and turned so he could face him. Unfortunately, there was a family carefully balancing a baby carriage on the steps in front of them so they couldn’t walk up to make the journey quicker.

Virgil whimpered realising that they were stuck on this slow-moving staircase for the time being. He squeezed tighter on Patton’s hand, desperate for the reminder that the other was still there for him.

‘I’m here, Virgil. Don’t worry.’

Virgil nodded frantically, though immediately regretted it as he clenched his jaw and bent slightly at the waist, another bout of warm wetness spreading across the front of his underwear. His eyes fell shut, not wanting to know if it was visible on his jeans now. He gasped, nearly choking on the lack of oxygen as he began hyperventilating. A horrible realisation dawned on him: He had to accept that he might not make it this time. He couldn’t accept it though - Patton was here to protect him. He would be fine, it would be fine. Nothing would happen. Patton had promised that. Virgil couldn’t wet himself, he just couldn’t. He stubbornly ignored the wetness at his crotch.

He felt Patton’s other hand wrap around his fingers, Virgil’s hand now completely encompassed by both of Patton’s warm palms. He opened his eyes again to look up at Patton - faintly shocked to find that his own vision was blurred by unshed tears.

‘You’re gonna make it, kiddo. You always do,’ Patton smiled weakly.

Virgil sniffed, not knowing how to respond and not believing he could without losing more control of his twinging bladder.

After what felt like minutes, they had reached the top of the escalator. Virgil stumbled off of the moving steps following after Patton - until he saw the view in front of them and froze in fear. Between them and the bathroom was a large sitting area, full of parents and their toddlers, elderly couples, and, most disturbingly, groups of teenagers laughing with their friends. Dozens of people between him and the toilets. Strangers waiting to judge him and hate him and mock him.

‘Breathe in for four seconds -’ Patton’s worried voice cut through the pulse roaring in Virgil’s ears. He might as well have been deaf to it though because all of Virgil’s energy was going into forcing his bladder not to let loose. He couldn’t afford to count his breaths.

He was lulled into a gentle walk by Patton tugging on his hand softly. Virgil did his best not to show just how difficult it was to get his shaking knees to cooperate. He had to stop moving every few moments, his stomach sinking further and further with dread each time he realised walking was getting much more difficult. A few people sitting on the surrounding benches had noticed his strange movements, their gazes falling on him. Virgil glued his eyes firmly to the floor, desperate to ignore the fact that this was happening in front of a crowd of people. His worst nightmare.

They had hardly moved twenty feet from the escalator when Virgil’s whole body tensed as he lost control for several seconds. His heart leapt uncontrollably, sickeningly as warm liquid gushed from him. A large wet warmth spread across the front of his jeans, inching down to his thighs before Virgil forced the gates closed again with much effort. His eyes were blown wide, unable to avoid seeing that there was a definitely noticeable wet patch on his jeans now.

‘Patton,’ he cried, voice high and shaking with pure terror.

Patton stopped walking and looked down to him, immediately noticing the issue. Virgil wished he hadn’t noticed the fleeting look of panic on Patton’s face before he schooled it into a supportive smile.

‘We’re so close, bud, you’ll make it…‘ It was such an uncharacteristically weak affirmation from Patton’s mouth that tears finally fell from Virgil’s eyes. He hunched over, shaking his head despondently.

He knew it was a lost cause now. He officially couldn’t move without wetting himself. It was going to happen no matter what he did. He heard whispers, he was sure he did. He probably heard giggles. He could swear he heard everyone’s thoughts: How disgusting. What a pathetic child. Isn’t that so humiliating for him?

His legs shook like jello. He was holding onto his last morsel of control with every fibre of his being, not wanting to give in to the inevitable. This couldn’t be real, not here, not now, not to him. This was a nightmare, this couldn’t be real life!

‘Kiddo,’ Patton’s voice was quiet. It carried so much sadness and care that Virgil finally lost it.

‘D-dad,’ he whimpered and his jeans quickly became soaked with warmth.

‘No no no no no no,’ Virgil whispered frantically, broken, his eyes flying down to watch in horror as a puddle grew steadily around his quickly-sodden sneakers. His face burnt horribly, tears trickling down his hot cheeks. Laughter erupted from a closeby picnic table, and against all best interest Virgil's gaze snapped up to the group of young teens. He only had to get a brief glance of a finger pointing his way to know that he was the source of their mockery.

He forced his eyes shut tightly. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t breathe! His stream was still coming, offering no relent to this torment.

Suddenly, the cruel laughter was mostly muffled, a familiar pressure against Virgil’s ears telling him that Patton had shoved his headphones onto his head. It was quickly followed by him being wrapped in a firm, warm embrace. Virgil did not hesitate a single second before his hands were wrapped in the back of Patton's shirt in a deathgrip. He buried his face against Patton’s chest, thankful for a way to hide himself from the world at least a little. Though even with his headphones on, his eyes firmly shut, and his face buried against Patton, he swore he could feel the burning heat of hundreds of malicious eyes cutting into him. 

‘Breathe, Virgil. You're okay.’

A sob ripped its way from his throat. His heart pounded against his ribs and his lungs positively ached. As the stream gradually slowed and finally came to a stop, Virgil cried into Patton’s shirt with the utter mortification of it all. He felt Patton's hand rubbing steady circles into his back.

After a few seconds standing there, the tiniest flicker of comfort began to seep into his quivering chest but it was quickly snuffed out as Virgil felt Patton pull away from him. A whimper escaped him as he felt his face exposed to the world once more. His eyes opened on instinct, and on seeing a few pairs of eyes directed towards him, he hurriedly raised his hand - covered completely by the sleeve of his hoodie - to conceal his face, escaping as best he could from their judgments. Patton recaptured his other hand and was now tugging him towards what Virgil assumed was the bathroom. He refused to uncover his face, so relied completely on Patton to guide him across the floor.

Virgil cringed at the wet chaffing under his jeans as they hurried through the sitting area. It was uncomfortable to walk so fast but he dared not slow down, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible. Even through his headphones he heard the whispering, the tuts of sympathy. The laughter. His body trembled all over, feeling numb as his limbs worked on autopilot to get him to safety.

Finally, he heard the muffled sound of hand dryers and toilets flushing. Knowing they must have arrived at the bathroom - too little, too late - he dared to lower his hoodie-covered hand just enough to peek over his fingers. His heart dropped when he found a long line leading to the men’s bathroom, with no less than two people in the queue staring at him. 

Virgil felt a strangled sound escape his throat, fresh tears burning the backs of his eyes. They would have to be standing in this line for minutes, with Virgil looking as pathetic as he did.

‘It’s alright, kiddo. It shouldn’t be too long.’ The soft reassurance managed to work its way past the headphones and Virgil’s eyes automatically snapped up to Patton. He smiled wobbly down at the anxious side, trying his best to offer optimism in the situation.

Then, in a desperate need for comfort, Virgil twisted his body into Patton’s, clutching his shirt and burying his face against Patton’s chest once more. Patton’s arms barely hesitated to wrap him in a comforting embrace. One of his hands continued to rub circles on Virgil's back while the other came up to rest on top of Virgil’s head protectively. Virgil couldn’t help but feel distantly proud of himself. He had never been able to openly ask for physical contact. It was clear to everyone that the other three sides had acknowledged the great deal of good it did for Virgil to feel their touches. They had all contributed in their own ways after the realisation - Roman offered rough shoulder punches and back-slaps (which often caused more harm than good where Virgil’s nerves were concerned), Logan offered awkward head pats (strange, but well-intended), but Patton had offered the most comfort in the form of warm embraces, stroking his hair, and rubbing his back. All of these commonly calmed Virgil down, but he had never allowed himself to actively seek them out. Until today, that is.

Gentle shushes could be heard through the foam of the headphones as they stood swaying slightly, Virgil’s shaky breaths bouncing back onto his face hotly from Patton’s shirt.

‘Excuse me, sir?’ a firm, unfamiliar voice broke through their personal quiet. Virgil turned his head infinitesimally out of curiosity, one eye peeking out from Patton’s embrace to see a large man in overalls standing a few feet from them.

‘Would you and -’ he glanced down to Virgil, who gripped at Patton’s shirt tighter at the other's look. The sympathetic eyes drifted back up to Patton, ‘- and your son like to use the accessible bathroom?’ He held up a pair of keys indicating he would unlock it for them.

Virgil could feel Patton heave a huge sigh of relief.

‘Oh, that would be amazing. Yes, please, thank you so, so much.’ Patton carefully unwrapped one of his arms from Virgil, keeping the other arm around his shoulders as they hurried to follow the janitor. He led them to a wide door that he swiftly unlocked and held it open for them with a nod.

‘Thank you, sir, thank you so much,’ Patton gushed as he ushered Virgil into the large bathroom.

Virgil tried to thank the man but found he couldn’t force a single syllable from his throat, constricted with the residual panic and tears from the past few minutes. He trembled, his wet jeans clinging uncomfortably to his legs. He should have said thank you, he was being ungrateful, the man would hate him, he would force him out again, he would make him wait in line like everyone else and people would point and then -

He flinched at the metallic echo of the heavy door clicking shut and looked up to see Patton locking it. Virgil hadn’t even noticed he had been left standing alone in the middle of the room, arms wrapped tightly around himself in a weak attempt at self-soothing. Door secured, Patton turned back to Virgil and hurried back in front of him, concern dripping from his features. He reached out gently and eased Virgil’s headphones back around his neck.

‘Virgil?’ he sounded like he was scared Virgil would break into pieces at any second, and the younger side couldn’t blame him. He was practically quaking; the bathroom appeared to be vibrating with how intensely Virgil’s whole body shook. ‘Are you okay?’

Virgil wanted to brush it off with his usual despondence and sarcasm. He wanted to grumble and avoid eye contact and pretend he was alright, then go home and lock himself in his room for weeks. He wanted to stop Patton from worrying about him.

He looked into Patton’s imploring eyes.

Virgil’s lip wobbled. He couldn’t do it. He shook his head vigorously, clenching his eyes shut as he broke into quiet sobs.

‘Aw, hun, it’s okay,’ Patton’s voice sounded broken by Virgil’s sadness. One hand was quickly on Virgil’s shoulder, his thumb rubbing soothing circles into his collarbone as his other hand swiped at the tears cascading down Virgil’s cheeks. Virgil’s eyes fluttered open through wet lashes to see Patton crouching slightly so that their eyelines were level. ‘It’s alright, kiddo.’

‘N-no it’s n-not,’ Virgil said, words mixing wetly with his cries.

‘Yes, sweetie,’ Patton countered before he pulled Virgil into another firm hug. ‘It was just an accident-’

Virgil’s body wracked from a loud sob at the word. Accident. You know, like the ones little toddlers have.

‘I - I‘m just a dumb ba-aby,’ Virgil lamented, struggling for breath through his tears.

Patton shushed him and stroked his hair. ‘This just happens sometimes, Virgil. No one is making fun of you for it.’

‘Th-they were la-aughing,’ Virgil argued, his words becoming choked towards the end as he struggled for oxygen.

‘Well, maybe a few,’ Patton conceded. He pulled away from the hug to look directly into Virgil’s wet eyes, ‘but none of them will remember this. I promise, kiddo.’

‘I will,’ Virgil mumbled dejectedly. He sniffled at the thought, covering his eyes with his hoodie sleeve to wipe at them aggressively. He tried and failed to get a handle on his breathing, his first inhale stunted and cut short by a wet cough.

‘In for four-’ Patton started guiding him. His hand was a comforting weight on Virgil’s shoulder as they worked to get Virgil breathing somewhat normally over the next few minutes.

Finally, Virgil was able to fill his lungs without struggling. His head felt much less foggy, but it only left room for him to acknowledge just how mortified he felt. His cheeks were perpetually flushed with the memory of wet warmth spreading through the fabric of his jeans. He squirmed and winced at the itchiness settling into his crotch and thighs.

Patton leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to Virgil’s bangs before pulling back with a reassuring smile. Virgil’s chest felt light at the show of affection, filled with longing for more comforting contact from the older side.

‘Let’s get you out of those clothes, bud,’ Patton said gently. He walked over to the shopping bags he had left by the bathroom door. He took out Virgil’s new jeans and hung them on the grab bar on the wall.

‘Why don’t you take off your pants and your underwear then-’ Patton held up his hands in a calming motion as he noticed Virgil suck in a breath and tense his shoulders at the suggestion. ‘Don’t worry! I won’t look, I’m gonna turn away. But you don’t want your new jeans getting wet.’

Virgil swore his face must be practically glowing with heat by now. He groaned lightly, nodding his head.

‘I can’t believe this is happening,’ he muttered as Patton turned. After a few moments of struggling, he managed to peel off his soggy clothes and threw them to the floor with an embarrassingly wet sound as they hit the tiles. He felt his breathing pick back up again at the auditory reminder of the situation and hurriedly shoved on his new jeans before he worked himself into another panic. He didn’t want to deal with the added humiliation of Patton needing to calm him down while he was half-naked.

‘You done, buddy?’

‘Yeah,’ Virgil mumbled, picking at the skin around his fingernails. 

‘Ooh, those look snazzy!’ Patton said when he turned around, admiring Virgil’s new pants.

Virgil shrugged, eyes fixed on the floor and regrettably drifting over to the sodden pile of clothes.

‘Why don’t you wash your hands and face, kiddo?’ Patton offered.

Virgil acquiesced, turning his back on his old jeans and stepping over to the sink. He reluctantly met his own gaze in the mirror, intense self-loathing welling up immediately. As he scrubbed his hands he dutifully avoided looking at the tear tracks that dragged black eyeshadow down to his jawline. While he washed off the ruined makeup he did his best not to stare at the stubborn redness that stained his cheeks no matter how much cold water he splashed at them. After turning off the water he refused to look back at the disconsolate wetness in his eyes, irritated and red from rubbing at his tears.

Turning back to Patton, he saw that at some point the other side had picked up Virgil’s ruined clothes and put them in the empty shopping bag, tying the handles so that no one could see inside. Virgil felt guilty that Patton had had to clean up after him but it was too late now.

Patton looked at him and seemed a bit taken aback by Virgil’s makeup-free face. Virgil was thankful that his hands were clean so that he could chew at his thumbnail.

‘Hang on a second…’ Patton sounded genuinely confused. Virgil peered cautiously through his now mascara-free lashes. Patton twisted his body, frantically looking around the room. Virgil frowned, thinking Patton had dropped his watch or something. Patton suddenly looked at him with a deep confusion on his face. ‘Excuse me, sir, have you seen my dark son?’

The corner of Virgil’s lips quirked, though he kept hugging himself and nibbling on his thumbnail anxiously.

‘He’s about this tall,’ Patton held his hand up to his chin, then dramatically let his wrist go limp, ‘clearly gay but we haven’t had The Talk.’

Virgil snorted, shoulders now shaking from concealed laughter rather than fear.

Patton’s face lit up at the sight.

‘We don’t need to have The Talk, we’re all gay,’ Virgil muttered around his thumb. ‘Nice reference, though.’

‘Oh did’ja like that one?’ Patton smiled, and Virgil knew that look. He was about to set up another joke. ‘Would you say it was… _hiss_ -terical?’

‘Oh my gosh,’ Virgil rolled his eyes with a smile, ‘more cat puns? Really?’

‘You know me, Virge, my list of puns is pretty _fur_ -midable.’ Virgil scoffed. ‘I’ve barely _scratched_ the surface.’

Virgil laughed, the joyous sound reverberating around the bathroom.

Patton chuckled alongside him. Once they had both calmed down again he picked up the bags and nodded to the locked door.

‘Ready to go home, kiddo?’

Virgil inhaled deeply, shoulders tensing up to his ears.

‘It’s gonna be ok, Virgil. Just a ten-minute drive, you know you can do it,’ Patton encouraged.

‘I know but…’ Virgil hesitated, biting through his thumbnail and needing to pick the piece of nail off of his tongue. He blushed and struggled through his next sentence: ‘I don’t wanna… walk past them again.’

Patton hummed in understanding then made a noise of realisation. He shuffled both bags into one hand and dove into his pocket. He pulled out a black fidget cube and held it out to Virgil.

Virgil’s nerves soothed a little just seeing the comfort item. Patton had stayed standing on the other side of the room, meaning Virgil would have to walk over to accept the stim toy. He took a slow breath and pushed away from the sink.

He took the cube from Patton, immediately starting to fidget with the clicker. ‘Thank you.’

‘C’mon, kiddo,’ Patton unlocked and opened the door for him.

Virgil’s feet carried him outside, his eyes and mind firmly fixed on the fidget cube. Patton wrapped an arm around his shoulders and Virgil felt his body relax a little. The older side took charge and guided them through the mall swiftly. Virgil’s eyes never left his fidget cube, even when he knew they had walked past the scene of his accident, hearing the sound of a mop cleaning up the mess. His breathing stunted at a shaky inhale but Patton’s hand automatically squeezed his arm and he blew it out carefully, spinning the plastic dial on his cube.

oOo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More talking and comfort found in the next chapter <3


	2. Aftercare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very mild trigger warning for self-harm in this chapter as Virgil purposefully pulls his hair. Just want to be super cautious!

oOo

Sooner than expected, they sat in the car ready to drive home. As Patton started the ignition Virgil slumped into the passenger’s seat. Straight after fastening his seatbelt Virgil had pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged his legs tightly. His head dropped against the window dejectedly. He couldn’t wait to be home so he could just hide in his room for the rest of his life.

‘Virgil…’ Patton spoke up cautiously. He hesitated once Virgil had looked up to him, nervous about the tone in Patton's voice. Was he about to tell him off? ‘I - I’m sorry, kiddo, but we can’t drive with you sitting like that, it’s not safe,’ Patton pointed out apologetically.

Virgil dropped his legs, eyes settling on his lap. Of course he couldn’t sit like that. He was being dumb and pathetic. He wrapped his arms around himself.

‘Ah jeez,’ Patton sounded pained. ‘This is worse than Roman’s puppy dog eyes… Why don’t’cha sit in the back, Virgil? That’ll be safer if you wanna curl up a lil.’

Virgil usually hated to sit in the backseat - typically when Roman had shotgunned the front - because he liked to be able to see as much as he could from all of the windows, wanting to remain vigilant. But he promptly unbuckled and got out of the car, returning into the backseat and curling up as he had before. It brought him an unnecessary amount of comfort.

Patton shot a smile back to him in the rearview mirror and Virgil did his best to return it.

‘Homeward bound,’ Patton said as he reversed the car out of the parking space.

The journey went by quickly in comfortable silence - that is, at least Patton seemed to be comfortable. Around halfway through the journey Virgil felt a sharp spike of dread pierce his chest when he remembered Roman and Logan would both be home, possibly wanting to ask them how their trip was. The sounds of his fidget cube grew louder as the car pulled into their drive.

Virgil sighed shakily, peering at their front door through his window. He heard Patton unbuckle and grab his door handle.

‘Wait,’ Virgil yelped. Patton twisted his head toward him in concern and Virgil bit his lip. ‘You - you won’t, y’know…’ he trailed off hoping Patton could read his mind. He couldn’t.

Virgil rapidly pressed the buttons on his fidget cube, his cheeks growing warm. He looked back to his knees and whispered pleadingly ‘Please don’t tell the others.’

‘Wouldn’t dream of it, kiddo,’ Patton responded sincerely.

Virgil nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. They both got out of the car, Patton grabbing both Hot Topic bags and leading the way back to the house.

He had the door open quickly and quietly ushered Virgil inside. It was strange to see Patton walk into the front door and not immediately sing out ‘Honeys, I’m hooome!’ which he had become accustomed to doing. It was either that or calling ‘Daddy’s back!’ (the one time Virgil had responded with 'What about his back?' Patton had practically hit the ceiling with the leap of joy he did.)

Virgil would normally kick off his sneakers by the door, but they were damp and he couldn’t risk the other two sides noticing. He started towards the staircase when Logan drifted out from the living room like a ghost, blocking the way.

‘Oh, hello you two,’ Logan greeted. ‘How was the ridiculous film?’

Virgil’s pulse kicked up and he held his breath. Of either Roman or him, Logan was the one Virgil really hadn’t wanted to run into. He was far too observant. Virgil froze, knowing Logan had clocked his lack of eyeshadow, and maybe his red eyes.

‘Virgil?’

‘It was cat-tastic!’ Patton yelled far too loudly, gently pushing past Virgil to excitedly bounce in front of Logan. ‘Logan you would have loved it, it was all about a group of human-y cats who compete to go to cat heaven by performing musical numbers!’

‘I believe by “human-y” you mean “anthropomorphic”,’ Logan scoffed and stepped back from Patton’s vibrating presence, ‘in which case I have to express my vehement distaste. What is it with modern writers and combining features of separate species, it makes no anatomical or evolutionary sense!’

Patton kept inching closer to Logan as he gushed about the film loudly, and after a moment Virgil felt a nudge at his elbow. He realised Patton had created a path for him to brush past and was keeping Logan distracted enough so that Virgil could sneak out without much fuss. Virgil didn’t waste a second and shuffled past the two, hurriedly tiptoeing up the stairs. As he heard the pair downstairs launch into an animated debate, he scurried to his room and slammed the door shut.

His breath rushed out of him as he fell back against the door and sunk to the carpet. Adrenaline coursed through his veins. He lowered his head between his knees to catch his breath. He was immensely grateful for Patton’s initiative - the paternal side was far smarter than people gave him credit for.

After a few moments, Virgil heard Patton’s muffled yell calling from downstairs: ‘Roman, do you have any dirty laundry? I’m putting on a dark wash!’

Of course, Patton was washing Virgil’s wet clothes for him. A sickly wave of humiliation and regret washed over his body. He growled, pulling harshly at his bangs until he couldn’t stand the pain. The soreness on his scalp partly distracted him from the stinging in his eyes. He stood up again and winced at the burning itchiness that encompassed his crotch and thighs.

A shower was definitely the next course of action. At least he could do one thing for himself. He undressed, got into his bathrobe and grabbed a towel before heading out into the hallway. Just as he opened his door, Roman walked past him with an armful of laundry.

‘Greetings, grumpy space princess,’ the creative side paused in his journey. ‘So, just how offended should I be on behalf of Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber?’

‘Very,’ Virgil shrugged, hiding his shaky hands in his towel.

‘... Well, have a pleasant shower.’ Roman had seemed thrown off by Virgil’s quietness - usually, he would have had a wittier response, but his mind was far from making jokes - but Roman seemed to accept it. He continued walking after shooting a quick smile at Virgil. Roman could obviously tell that Virgil felt anxious and for once Virgil didn’t really mind, thankful that the other side had left him alone. He had probably just assumed Virgil was socially overwhelmed from the trip.

Virgil continued to the bathroom and managed to have a much-needed shower that at least offered a bit of comfort.

On returning to his room his breath caught in his throat at the sight of a Hot Topic bag sitting in the middle of his bed. Had Patton not washed Virgil’s clothes and left them for him to deal with on his own? Virgil couldn’t blame him at all, of course he wouldn’t want to wash Virgil’s gross clothes. He was so stupid for expecting that of Patton!

He slumped over to his bed, ready to shove the bag straight into his laundry basket before he got a glimpse of what was inside. He gasped, emptying the contents onto his bed with a smile tugging at his lips.

A matching set of ‘A Nightmare Before Christmas’ pyjamas splayed across his comforter. It was a set that had caught his eye in Hot Topic but he had been too self-conscious to pick them up. Virgil shook his head in disbelief, rubbing his thumb over the soft fabric. Patton had apparently noticed Virgil looking at them and had secretly bought them for him… Virgil felt warmth blossom in his chest and bit his lip to keep from beaming. Patton was the best ‘Dad’ ever.

oOo

Patton slammed the door of the washing machine shut and turned the dial to start the wash. He stood there for a moment, thinking back over how distraught Virgil was earlier, unable to stop replaying the look in his son’s eyes over and over again in his mind. Patton sighed. It was all his fault.

Patton had failed to notice Virgil needing the bathroom until it was far too late, and as a result of Patton’s mistake, one of Virgil’s worst fears had come true. Of course the other sides had noticed Virgil had anxiety about such a situation. They had the sensibility to know not to bring it up in conversation with Virgil and so hadn’t been able to confirm their suspicions verbally with the anxious side, but given the number of nightmares that seeped into Thomas’ mind about wetting himself, and seeing as Virgil often panicked when they were on long car-journeys or when someone had taken longer than expected in the shower, it was hard for them to miss. Virgil clearly harboured fears over having an accident. And Patton was now responsible for those fears becoming a reality.

He groaned, dropping his head into his hands. ‘I’m the worst Dad ever.’

‘You’re not even a father,’ Logan spoke from behind him.

Patton screamed and spun his body round to see Logan standing in the washroom doorway.

‘Don’t - sneak up - like that,’ Patton panted, hand placed on his chest.

‘You’re not a father,’ Logan repeated. His face softened, ‘but if you were, you would not be the worst one. Nowhere close.’

Patton sighed and shook his head. ‘I promised Virgil I wouldn’t let anything ruin our Father-Son Day of Fun -’

‘Not your son,’ Logic said.

‘- but… Something happened to Virgil and-’

‘He wet himself.’

Patton’s eyes widened but he tried to play it off. ‘N- Wha- Yo- No! No, he- I…’ 

Logan raised his eyebrows. ‘You are an awful liar, Patton.’

Patton smiled gently. ‘Thank you.’

‘It wasn’t a-’ Logan sighed in frustration. ‘It was quite… obvious. Your trip was cut short, Virgil had clearly been crying, he was shaking, and immediately after returning you put on a load of washing while he had a shower. Not to mention he was wearing a different pair of pants when you left earlier.’

Patton gulped. ‘He begged me not to tell you.’

‘I understand,’ Logan nodded, and Patton thought he saw a frown on Logan's face as he looked down to the floor. It had disappeared when the logical side looked back up. ‘We will need to offer Virgil plenty of… extra emotional support for a while. We all know he suffers from anxiety surrounding urinary incontinence and unfortunately his fear has become a reality. He will likely be somewhat traumatised from the experience today.’

Patton’s eyes immediately welled up.

‘Uh oh…’ Logan froze.

‘I traumatised him,’ Patton’s voice wobbled. He brought his hands up to cover his mouth.

‘No, Patton, the experience might have,’ Logan corrected hastily. 

‘But I’m his Dad, I should’ve made sure it never even happened!’

‘You are not his - Oh, whatever. But I am sure you did all that you could at the time,’ Logan lilted his voice at the end, turning it into a question.

‘I think so,’ Patton said.

‘You could not have predicted it would turn out the way that it did.’

Patton shook his head sadly.

‘And you did not do anything to actively make the situation worse.’

‘Gosh, no!’ Patton yelled, incredulous at the mere suggestion.

‘Then I don’t believe you are at fault, Patton.’ Logic smiled at him gently. ‘You are… a good Dad.’

Patton’s heart swelled hearing those words from Logan, feeling his face melt into a mushy smile.

Logan looked away from him and fidgeted on the spot. He hurried to keep talking, ‘For now, I will conceal the fact that I know what happened for Virgil’s sake - I fear he will be far too embarrassed to see reason if I informed him as such. But I think we will have to discuss this with him soon, otherwise this could spiral into a debilitating phobia. In this circumstance, an embarrassing conversation is necessary in order to avoid something as serious as agoraphobia.’

‘Well I knew he didn’t like the feeling of wool but I don’t know if he’d be scared of-’

‘That’s _angora_ , Patton,’ Logan covered his eyes with his hand. ‘Agoraphobia is a complex anxiety disorder that involves avoidance of places that cause an anxious reaction - in short, Virgil could become too anxious to leave the house at all.’

Patton gasped. He couldn’t let that happen to his anxious baby.

‘We will not let it get to that point,’ Logan reassured. ‘I will study courses of action for combatting anxiety after a… an adverse experience. Meanwhile, I suggest you ensure Virgil does not completely isolate himself - and encourage him to talk through his feelings. I don’t want him to feel he can’t talk to us about his anxiety.’

Patton smiled. ‘Aw, Logan. I may be a good Dad, but you’re a great Mom!’

Logan spluttered, not managing to get out a coherent sentence. He eventually gave up and turned to walk away before quickly looking back.

‘And we shouldn’t-’

‘- let Roman know,’ Patton finished, clicking his fingers at Logan in acknowledgement.

Logan nodded then left.

oOo

After a few hours of quiet, there was a gentle knock at his door. Virgil paused the movie playing on his laptop.

‘Kiddo? It’s me,’ Patton’s voice was muffled by the door.

‘Come in,’ Virgil called, sitting up a bit straighter in his bed and clicking his neck. He pushed the laptop from his lap so that he could pull his legs up and hug his knees. He knew he had no reason to be anxious about Patton's presence but he was far more on edge tonight than he usually was. Unsurprisingly.

The door eased open and Patton poked his head through the gap with a smile. ‘Hey, buddy, you doing okay?’

Virgil bit his lip and shrugged. Honestly, immersing himself in movies was the only mild relief he had found from the constant feeling of mortification that sat heavily in his chest.

Patton’s eyebrows pulled down for a second then settled back to a smiling expression. He stepped into the room with a plate in hand.

‘The others and I already had dinner,’ Patton said as he walked over to him, ‘I’m sorry I didn’t come to get you, I just thought you might wanna be left alone for a bit.’

‘Yeah, kinda,’ Virgil’s fingers wrapped and unwrapped themselves in his comforter.

Virgil felt his heart sink a little at the look of disappointment on Patton’s face. Why couldn’t he just be honest? It was true that he didn’t want to see the others right now, but since that afternoon Virgil had craved Patton’s comforting presence all evening. He had kept pulling out his phone to text the other side and ask if he could come to keep Virgil company but kept having second thoughts and deleting the messages before he sent them.

‘Well, that's fine, but what kind of dad would I be if I let you skip dinner?’

Patton was by the bed now and showed Virgil the plate in his hands. It displayed a sandwich, some apple slices with peanut butter, and a small pile of chips. Virgil smiled, ready to thank him until Patton gasped lightly.

‘Oh my gosh, you’re wearing your new PJs!’ Patton smiled.

Virgil flushed, realising he had forgotten to say anything about them. ‘Thank you, Patton. I… I really love them.’

‘I thought you would,’ Patton said, placing the plate down onto the bedside table. ‘I’ll let you relax now, bud. Don’t mind your old dad!’ He started back towards the door. ‘Goodnight, Vir-’

‘No!’ Virgil held out his hand in a stop motion. ‘I mean… Please don’t leave?’

Patton was frozen, his mouth dropped open in shock. ‘Oh, well sure! Did you need something?’

Virgil clenched his jaw. He mentally reminded himself that he had to be open about his needs. He had already forgone that rule once today and look where that had gotten him.

‘Do you… wanna talk about what happened?’ Patton asked carefully.

Virgil shook his head, his stomach flipping at the mention of it.

Patton sighed. ‘I think we need to talk about your feelings eventually, kiddo.’

‘I know,’ Virgil sighed, thumb coming up to his mouth so he could run the nail along his lip in comfort. ‘But for now I… I kinda just want some company.' 

Patton’s whole posture softened and he smiled proudly. ‘I’d be glad to stay, Virgil. And thank you for telling me what you needed,’ he pointed out.

Virgil felt a swell of happiness hearing the praise. He looked down at his knees and suddenly smiled. Seeing his pyjama pants covered in Jack Skellington’s face gave him an idea.

‘Do you wanna watch ‘A Nightmare Before Christmas’?’

Patton smiled, ‘Sure, just gimme a few minutes to get changed. I’ll be back before you _No_ _ë_ _l_ it!’

Virgil huffed a laugh as Patton left. He brought the plate of food over to the futon in the corner of his room and set up the film on the TV. When Patton returned he had a large bowl of popcorn and was wearing his cat onesie.

They sat and settled into their cushions. Patton threw a blanket over their laps and Virgil pressed play, leaning against Patton’s side and sighing happily from the contact.

‘Our Father-Son Day of Fun becomes a Father-Son Night of Netflix and Chill!’ Patton said excitedly, shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

Virgil shook his head fondly, mumbling around an apple slice, ‘That’s not what that means, Dad.’

oOo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Oh this is a cute idea for a short drabble :)  
> 20 pages later…
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, please consider leaving kudos or even a comment if you enjoyed it - anonymous commenting is on! 
> 
> I also take requests over on my writing Tumblr: [arrestjellyfish](arrestjellyfish.tumblr.com)
> 
> I’d like to take the opportunity to say that Toilet Phobia and Agoraphobia are very serious and real conditions that can seriously impact someone’s mental wellbeing and quality of life - if you feel that you are suffering from symptoms that relate to these disorders please know that you are not alone and that there is help available to you. If your life is impacted negatively by these worries please speak to your doctor, therapist, psychiatrist, or seek out mental health helplines. Stay safe guys, gals, and non-binary pals <3


End file.
